In this moment

I tend to get down on myself for not always living fully in the moment. I'm naturally just hardwired to always be planning and working towards the future. Sadly I used to have the mindset that "I can really start living when..." Often finished with something along the lines of "when I save up x amount of money","when I finish school", "when I loose x amount of weight (ridiculous I know)" or anything else relatively naive sounding. And while I can say I'm no longer THAT bad I still feel like I need to work on being better at embracing the now. Tonight after coming home from a friend's baby shower I walk into the house to find DJ  upstairs taking a  shower/ thinking he was performing at the Staples center with music blasting and our bedroom door wide open! Talis was crying in his crib down the hall which completely set me off since we've been transitioning him back into his crib (for like the millionth time) and have been trying to have him cry it out). Do men not think of common sense stuff like keep the music down and shut the bedroom door to not wake up the sleeping baby?! After I gave my hunny a piece of my mind (which I guess I could argue I was living in the moment when I didn't hold back on telling him how foolish he was being) I went in to try and comfort Talis. I got him calmed down and got him to fall back asleep when it hit me. I'm getting better at this living in the moment deal. It's been over an hour ago since he fell back asleep but I can't seem to want to leave his room. And I feel this way often. No matter how tired or how long my to do list is there's nothing that makes me slow down and breathe in every single second like night time in my baby boys room. Long after he falls asleep I find myself still sitting in that rocking chair I pull close to the crib listening to whatever piano or lullaby music I've pulled up on my phone for him to listen to as he drifts back off to sleep. Just sitting in his dark room listening to the sweet sound of him inhale and exhale. You know the certain kind of breathing when you know for sure your littles are in a heavy sleep and their little bodies have gone completely floppy? And nothing serious is on my mind. I just sit. Listen. Take it all in. Until I finally sneak out and take care not to make a sound or step on the creaky spot on the hallway floor.

So I guess I'm already better at living in the moment then I thought I was. I guess parenthood helps you improve in more then the million and one ways it already does.